If you’ve been following my website, podcast, or social media channels for any amount of time you know I’m very open about things. I firmly believe in authenticity, in general, and especially on social media. We all know by now that Instagram is a highlight reel, and it makes me so happy to see it moving (albeit slowly) in a more authentic, real direction.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I love a pretty, curated, styled moment as much as the next person, but what I also love is realness. So often scrolling an Instagram feed ends up being less inspiring and motivating and more questioning and full of self doubt and insecurity. So often no one knows what goes on behind that beautiful photo of the “perfect” life. And I’m just so thrilled to see more people opening up about the not so pretty things, the real stuff.
I’ve spoken at fairly decent lengths about my own mental health.
My Mental Health Story
To recap, for those who might not know, it all began almost 12 years ago when I was a Junior in college living in Boston, and I had my first panic attack. It sucked. It sent me to the hospital because I, quite literally, thought I was dying. They sent me home eventually when my heart rate finally lowered, after doing alllll the tests (EKG, etc etc) and said it was a panic attack.
Uh, where did that come from?
And then it happened again months later. Again to the hospital. And it was the same exact thing. I thought I was dying. It was the worst feeling in the world. If you’ve ever had a panic attack, you know what I’m talking about.
From then on I would start having bouts of anxiety. No other panic attacks like those thankfully, but still anxiety (racing heartbeat, a somewhat panicked feeling, shortness of breath, unease, etc). During this time (almost 10 years ago at this point) I went through a pretty traumatic break up, and that certainly flared my anxiety up as well. So much so that I broke out into hives (more like massive welts, ugh GROSS) multiple times all over my legs…it was f*cking disgusting. This was pretty ongoing for a little while, and it was totally chalked up to anxiety.
I started seeing a Psychiatrist, and she advised that I go on Klonopin to help with the moments of anxiety I had. I didn’t take it though. I always carried it around with me like a baby’s security blanket, but never took it. I was so resistant to taking anything for the anxiety. I don’t really know why, but part of it might have had to do with my pride and thinking that if I took meds then there was really something “wrong.”
The anxiety continued though. And it sucked. I avoided panic attacks, but anxiety certainly was there. And, as a sidenote, this was also when my flying issues began. It’s allll related, guys.
Fast forward to when I moved back to Houston from NYC about 7 years ago and started seeing a psychiatrist there because the anxiety was getting pretty bad again. She prescribed me Zoloft. I was resistant at first to take it, but finally, about six months after moving, I did. I took the Zoloft and it changed my life. My dosage has changed over time, but I’ve been on the same dose now for a few years, and it fully changed my life. I wish I had taken it sooner.
Do I still get bits of anxiety here and there? Of course; I’m human (especially if there’s turbulence on an airplane!). But is it better? Absolutely. MUCH. It’s totally manageable, and I hope it stays that way.
I’ve been very open about my anxiety (especially surrounding flying) and taking meds, and it seems to resonate with so many of you. I get messages often about how me being open has helped you and inspired you to be open and / or seek help. In fact, I’ve referred my therapist in Houston to probably 20 people (followers and personal friends), no joke. She’s literally the BEST.
I think being open about our past and / or present struggles is such an important thing for a couple reasons. 1. Sometimes just talking about it makes you feel better. Putting it out there into the universe somehow can just help and feel almost a little cathartic. 2. It connects you with others who have dealt with similar things, and it can help them (and you!) in a big way.
It’s Not Taboo
Mental health, therapy, and taking medicine have such stigmas surrounding them, or at least that used to be the case big time. I think that’s still the case with some people unfortunately, but it’s certainly moving in a better, more open and positive direction. Therapy used to be such a taboo topic, and now I think it’s taboo if you don’t have a therapist! Seriously.
So, with it being Mental Health Awareness Month I wanted to lift the veil as much as possible on this topic.
I’m so honored to share some stories from real people, just like you and me, who have struggled with their own mental health. I hope this opens up the dialogue on the topic some more, lifts that curtain, and ultimately, helps.
I asked each person the following questions:
1. Can you please share a brief synopsis of your mental health story?
2. How would you describe the current “state” of your mental health?
3. Why do you feel it’s so important for people to be open and not afraid or ashamed or embarrassed when it comes to talking about this topic?
4. Thank you so much for opening up about this – I know it will resonate with and help so many. If you could give a piece of advice or some words of encouragement to someone struggling with their own mental health, what would those words be?
I know I need to put a disclaimer here – I am in no way, shape, or form a licensed counselor or therapist. My words above are strictly my opinions and feelings and experiences and below are words from others. As always, please seek professional help if you feel you might be struggling with something.
Arielle | 29 | Jersey City, NJ | @ariellesara
1. I have always struggled with my mental health. Anxiety and depression have always been an issue for me. Senior year of college I started taking Prozac and it changed my life. I felt so good so a few years later I stopped taking it. I got married last August and leading up to it I struggled with severe anxiety. With planning a wedding, moving from NYC to Jersey City and working a stressful commission based job was all too much for me. I was suffering with the most severe anxiety during what was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. My husband and mom were very worried and encouraged me to seek help. I finally found a psychiatrist who put me back on Prozac and also prescribed me Xanax for when I was suffering the most. Thank god I was able to have the most amazing stress free wedding day and honeymoon.
2. Honestly I still suffer from anxiety. Oddly enough the older I am getting the more anxious I am. I definitely feel 100 times better than I did leading up to my wedding but still find myself having anxious thoughts. I am actively looking for a new psychiatrist who can up my dosage since I am only taking 10mg of Prozac. I also want to find a therapist that I am comfortable with. Hopefully I’ll be able to find one soon!
3. I think it’s so important to be open about your mental health. I have a lot of close friends who struggle with anxiety and take medicine. It makes me feel better knowing that my friends are sharing similar experiences as I do. Why suffer if you can do something to make yourself feel better?
4. My biggest advice would be to seek help and confide in friends and family. It always feels better after talking to someone. Social media makes everyone look so happy and perfect all the time but this is probably BS! Most people are dealing with issues that we can never see through Instagram. You are not alone!
Casey | 32 | Sarasota, Phoenix, Stone Harbor, Nashville, etc, etc You’ll typically find me in the air, some random coffee shop working an event or in another country. | @Case224
1. I experienced a bit of anxiety when I was younger. However, I was in a bad car accident on January 7th four years ago. Not only was I having flashbacks every night – I could hear and see the lights of the car coming at me every night post accident. I would wake up screaming in panic. I was afraid to sleep alone. In addition to the anxiety from the flashbacks, I developed a ton of anxiety from the chronic pain I was dealing with every day, the pressure of preforming at work in a demanding job, and not being the “same fun” person I was before my accident. I was no longer the super fun Case everyone had known. I wasn’t able to have a drink or two because I was on pain medication to help curb my chronic pain. All of this lead to some serious depression that at the time I didn’t realize how bad it was, but it ended up hurting my relationships with my family, friends and my boyfriend at the time.
I started taking medicine shortly after my accident to help me get through these flashbacks and through the everyday anxiety. I was not happy about it at the time, but I clearly needed it. It’s helped in many ways. I no longer have flashbacks every single night and I don’t feel anxious all day. I used to feel so much shame in having to take anxiety medicine. I would hide or pretend I was taking some vitamin each night. I no longer feel that way. I’ve learned that it’s best for my own health and for those I love around me to address my anxiety and take care of myself as needed.
In my efforts to grow and deal with my anxiety, pain and depression from the accident I attended many yoga and surfing retreats, hired a life coach and saw a therapist. Those retreats were all women and in a room full of people there will always be someone that can relate to you. I have developed some incredible friends from these retreats. These are some of the women I can reach out to when I’m going through a hard time.
Let me tell you – My life coach was everything to me in a time that I was not well. She helped me view life in such a different way and thankfully brought meditation into my life. Every morning I wake up I either drive to a beach, a special place or take 5 to 10 minutes to meditate in my hotel room. I also fall asleep to a meditation app every single night. I put it on for 5 to 10 minutes depending on how tired I am. It does wonders!
2. I would say I’ve come a long way since four years ago. I was recently diagnosed with an under active thyroid which all makes sense. I’ve been very foggy the past two years and I was starting to get crazy anxiety again. I was having wild panic attacks in airports and it was scary. Since testing me they have put me on a small dosage of thyroid medicine and I’m feeling much better. I still have my moments. However, I know I should drive myself to yoga, spin, throw down the mat and mediate or go do something active. If it’s a tough day I’ll stick to decaf and if you have anxiety, but can’t quit the coffee like me – make sure you drink dark roast! It has less caffeine.
3. I think with the world we live in today there is more pressure than ever. I know how ashamed I felt regarding my anxiety for years. If I could go back and take action earlier with medication, therapy, etc I would in a heartbeat. It’s okay, it’s not something to be ashamed of. There are many reasons why people have anxiety or feel depressed. Sometimes it’s a lifelong battle and other times it’s just a chapter of your life. I think it’s important to be able to pick up the phone and call those who understand and support you when you’re struggling and not feel one ounce of shame. Those people that can talk you down from feeling super anxious and help you get through a tough period are your true friends 1000 percent. There are so many more people battling with anxiety than you think. I know the second I became more open about mine, that people would automatically open up to me about it. When we are able to be transparent about things we are dealing with we gain the opportunity to connect with people who are dealing with the same and / or people that are willing to help.
4. My friends and family are truly the anchors in my life. They help ground and support me through everything. Find those 5 core people who you can call or text when you are going through a difficult time. It can be friends, family, a life coach or a therapist. I find in addition to medicine and self care these people are everything.
When I’m going through a tough time I will tell myself “be gentle with yourself” and this is huge in my book. I have a very demanding job and schedule in which I love and am very passionate about. However, when I’m feeling a bit anxious I take a step back and remind myself of this and allow myself to take a little break and time to recoup.
Hallie | 27 | Houston, TX | @halliebyth
1. I was always an anxious person growing up, but when I graduated college 5 years ago I had a lot of change happen (graduated college, got engaged, bought a house, moved, moved in with my ex, started working, etc). This triggered a downward spiral that took a year before I decided to go into a therapy, because I would have anxiety attacks so bad I wouldn’t sleep for several days. I was resistant to medication in the beginning, but after my engagement ended, I realized I had to get my anxiety under control. The depression, which had become a secondary problem, came and went with it mostly because I didn’t understand how this had become my life since I had been a mostly happy person and loved being around people. And now after I would come home from my friends I would worry about what I said to them or if I had offended them in small minute way for days even though I hadn’t. My sleep problems, which are a separate issue, would be exasperated by the anxiety. Fast forward 2 years later, after many hours of talk therapy, several different types of medications that did not agree with my body (i.e. one causing very rapid weight gain, and one causing manic states), we found a medication that would treat my anxiety as well as the underlying causes of it, since I have learned it comes from many areas of my brain. We also were able to get my sleep issues under control! I also did neuro feedback to help with these issues and this really helped for when life gets to be too much!
2. I am in a much better place, but I have learned I have to take care of myself. I have to go to therapy, take my medication and take time for myself! Anxiety will always be part of my life and it will be an ongoing struggle for me. Even though I have made great strides and I like to think I made peace with it, sometimes my therapist reminds me I am still grieving my diagnosis even though it was close to 4 years ago, because so many people don’t understand it. I still have days that my triggers will set me off, but they don’t get me into my downward spirals like they used to so that is a great relief to me. I live a very fast paced life and love to be busy so constant stress I like, but sometimes I forget to take care of myself and that tends to be the days that anxiety gets the best of me, but that is why I still go to talk therapy weekly and have neuro feedback and take medication.
3. The more we are open and honest about this topic the more we realize other people are struggling with similar things. I felt so alone, because the very few people I had confided in about this did not understand at all, because this was not their struggles, and my anxiety was very much linked to my confidence. It just made me want to hide it even more, but if I had cast my net a little wider or if other people had been more open about it, I would have realized my anxiety was actually more common and nothing to be ashamed about. After some time in treatment and becoming more open about what I had been going through and told more people, I realized how much my story could help people or encourage people in getting treatment or even just be words of encouragement when someone was struggling. I wish someone had been there for me when I was in that place. I also realize the stories have to come from all different sources, because an ad on television was never going to speak to me, but it might speak to someone else. For me, it had to come from a friend.
4. Don’t give up. Things do get better, because I know while going through it sometimes it feels like it won’t, but it does! I literally have tried everything. If a medicine doesn’t work or doesn’t work for you don’t just settle; talk to your doctor and figure out something that does. I have done talk therapy, Biofeedback, Neuro feedback, medications, did a Genome test to figure out what medications were best for my body as well as a qEEG to help understand my anxiety. I have landed on a combination of things that works for me now, but that could change as time goes on.
Heather | 32 | Plymouth, CT | @coupegrl32
1. I’ve struggled with severe anxiety, panic, and depression for the last 8+ years. It started when I began planning my wedding in 2010. It has been so bad to the point where leaving my house was just near impossible. With that being said, I got to a point where working wasn’t even an option. I started working with a therapist and a psychiatrist and I was in an out patient program through the local hospital 3 to 4 days a week. I then started getting sick whenever I ate so I pretty much stopped eating. I was down to weighing about 90lbs. Then came the day where I had lined up all my medication, locked the bathroom door, and just wanted everything to be over. Things started spiraling out of control. I was admitted to the hospital for about 5 days. Here I ate absolutely nothing. This is also where we learned that there is more serotonin in your gut than there is your brain. I was taking medication on an empty stomach. No wonder things were getting bad, the medication wasn’t helping me. It was hurting me. It was making the depression worse. I was on about 5 different medications at once. Once I learned what I could handle for food; which were very plain and very small portions, the medications were able to work properly and I started to feel better.
While at the psychiatrist about a year and a half later we asked about eventually coming off the medication or at the very least doing lower doses. He told me that I would most likely need to be on it the remainder of my life. When I sat back and thought about it I realized that I didn’t want to be dependent on a pill to make me happy or function for the remainder of my life. I have been medication FREE for about 4 years now. How you ask? Eating very healthy and clean and lots and lots of exercise. The more I exercise the better I feel. Exercising releases natural endorphins that make you feel happy. I typically exercise 4-5 days a week, sometimes 6 days. The more stressed I feel the more I exercise.
2. At this time I would say that the current state of my mental health good. But there are good days and bad. The good days definitely outweigh bad days at this time. Whether on medication or not, everyday will be a struggle; it is like you are always fighting. Some days the fight is easier than others, but I’ve learned that there is definitely something to fight for. You need to fight for yourself and what you believe in.
3. I feel that we should be open about this topic because there is not enough honesty about it and people who do not understand can be downright rude. I’ve lost some good friends on this journey, but it was because they didn’t understand. People think because they can’t physically see the sickness/disease that it doesn’t really exist, that you are just saying you have a problem to get attention. You could be sitting next to someone either at work on your commute or in a restaurant that could be suffering but you would never know. I feel that if you are open about your own situation you may be able to help someone else who is in a similar situation. Even if it is one person, it is still something. All I’ve wanted to do after going through what I did and somewhat coming out whole on the other side is to help people who are in a similar situation.
4. If I could give a piece of advice it would be to not be afraid to ask for help and know your limits. I know that it is hard for people to ask for help. Asking for help means admitting that you have a problem but there is help out there; don’t be afraid of it. Know your limits. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you know you’re going to make yourself anxious or panic. It is ok to say no to social events that make you anxious or panic. Everyone’s journey is different, but ask for help and trust in yourself. You are not alone.
Laura | 32 | Austin, TX | @lauramariehill
1. I was first diagnosed with ADHD when I was 15. Other than taking meds, I never really thought about this diagnoses unless I was using it as an excuse for not finishing homework or not studying enough for a test. I stopped taking medicine for this after college, because I thought I really only needed it for academic reasons (wrong – more on this later).
In hindsight, I can see that I first started experiencing anxiety and depression towards the end of high school, but wasn’t officially diagnosed until my 5th year of college. I actually stayed in school an extra year and a half because my mental state was so bad that at one point I just stopped going to classes. I started taking medicine for both anxiety and depression. I have been on them ever since, although now in smaller doses. I had an amazing psychiatrist (honestly I would be friends with her if that was allowed) that I started seeing in college. When I finished college and moved back home to Houston I had another wonderful psychiatrist there. My 20s were a roller coaster of depression and anxiety mixed with shitty jobs and even shittier relationships. A few years ago I moved back to Austin and started seeing my same doctor from college.
2. Just recently in a session with her, something really clicked with me. I’m working full time with several related side gigs with the hopes of starting my own company soon. I was telling her how I was doing well overall, but was afraid that self doubt and then anxiety and then depression would creep in and ruin the path I was taking. Although she had suggested I go back on ADHD medicine, I always said I didn’t think I needed it. To me ADHD was always just an excuse to forgetting my wallet or losing my keys. In this session when she brought up ADHD, it was like she was reminding me that it was a legitimate medical diagnosis that makes life more difficult. She reminded me that ADHD can lead to anxiety and/or depression as they are closely related and associated. This is all things I knew, but something my brain and my pride decided to ignore and push aside. Since then I have tried to focus on how to manage my ADHD and as result it has lowered my overall stress. I have been doing a lot of research about ADHD and things I thought were faulty personality traits are actually symptoms of ADHD – like disorganization, forgetfulness and brain fog.
3. I think it is important for people to open up about their mental illness because it allows their support system to help them. I have found that being open about it and asking for help has significantly improved my quality of life. It is not always easy to admit, but I started with my parents when I was struggling in college. It took a little while before I was able to tell friends, but years later I’m very open about it. I often post about it on my social media and sometimes wear pins from @wearyourmeds. I think talking about it in a forum on the Internet allows others to not feel alone and it lowers the stigma. Not feeling alone with mental illness is empowering. I know what it feels like to feel broken, alone or faulty and I want other people to know that not only are they not those things, but those feelings can be lessened with therapy, meds, self care and support from loved ones. Being open with others allows them to share their story. I’ve learned a lot by hearing other peoples’ stories.
4. My advice is to prioritize your mental health. If that means cutting out unsupportive, toxic people, do it. If it means quitting a job that makes you miserable, quit that job. If it means going out less and eating at home more so you can afford therapy, then do that. If it means changing eating habits or including exercise, do that. I advise that you research your illness, find support groups and other resources including a therapist that you love. I advise not being afraid of medicines or their stigma. I also advise mindfulness activities like meditation and journaling.
Lisa | 33 | Houston, TX | @lyambra
1. I have suffered from depression/anxiety on some level since I was 14. It started with transitioning to high school – I went from a small private school to a public school with 4000+ students. During my freshman year I was bullied for being jewish and overweight – both of those combined really caused me to become a recluse, which is when I first noticed signs of depression. Then the following year a close friend really betrayed my trust (I was robbed by this friend and this friend’s friends), and that was what triggered my anxiety. I never knew who I could trust or who I could confide in and social settings filled me with so much anxiety I never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. My mom told me she scheduled an appointment with a therapist and I had to go; it was NOT an option – and I have been in talk therapy off and on since then. I have had lots of “trauma” over the years, and talk therapy has really helped me cope and function on a “normal” level (although I don’t believe in normal haha, everyone’s normal is different).
2. Currently I would say I still suffer from mild to moderate depression – I have great days and awful days – but with therapy I have tools to deal with it.
3. When my mom forced me to go to therapy originally I was humiliated. I felt so much shame, like what’s so wrong with me – why am I being punished. After just 1 or 2 sessions I realized I was punishing myself for thinking therapy is shameful – I felt I would be judged, look weak and even worse be different from my siblings and friends, but what I quickly learned was that therapy was cathartic and comforting and empowering. I learned so much from my first therapist (shout out to Paula Fendley); I learned coping skills, boundaries, self love etc etc. I have had many setbacks, but I never give up and therapists never give up on you either. It’s important to have an impartial person in your life to help with all the curveballs life throws you.
4. There is NOTHING embarrassing about being depressed, having anxiety, OCD, bipolar – whatever it might be. It’s OK to not be OK, and it’s OK to ask for help. I have learned over the years that therapy is basically an investment in myself. If I am not feeling my best, I can’t do my best in life. If money is an issue there are wonderful therapists online, there are community organizations that offer discounted or free therapy; there’s always a way to get help.
Pamela | 38 | Houston, TX
1. This isn’t my story per se, but I am very closely involved because my story involves my daughter. At the age of 8 (she is 16 now), she was diagnosed with ADD, and on top of that she was also experiencing anxiety which led her to have some pretty serious panic attacks. At first I didn’t understand why she would uncontrollably cry when we were out in public, to the point where we had to pack our meal that we had just received and take it home to go. I would be so mad that she was “acting” like that, when all along, she was in distress. My heart hurt because I felt guilty for getting after her after I realized what was really happening. We focused on making sure she had the proper medication, to help her with both her anxiety and ADD, and as a few months passed by, my daughter shifted her anxiety focus elsewhere; she began pulling out her hair. I had no idea that hair pulling was an actual syndrome. Trichotillomania is a rare hair pulling disorder triggered by stress and anxiety. I didn’t immediately notice she was doing this until I was fixing her hair one morning and she was bald. I was mortified, scared, sad and all of the feelings in between. I immediately started to research this and find someone that could help her work through her hair pulling. It is HARD to find someone that specializes in the treatment of Trichotillomania and it is as equally hard to get your then 9-year-old to open up to a stranger about it. After several trips to a therapist, both for Trich and for ADD, and a lot of hard work in between, my daughter no longer has her hair pulling issue. She chose to actually phase herself off of ADD medication towards the end of 8th grade. She did not like the way it made her feel and to be honest, it was driving up her anxiety. She does have moments when panic attacks will come on and she will take her prescribed Prozac when need be and as any 16-year-old, there are times when she goes without it because she feels good, and then those panic attacks creep up and she realizes she does need it. She is learning how to manage her medication and knows that in order for it to work, she has to stay constant.
2. Work in progress!
3. It is so important for everyone to learn about mental health. You do NOT want to be me, telling my kid to suck it up, stop crying and stop acting like a baby. She was hurting inside, and it still upsets me that I didn’t know what was happening to her body.
4. Everyone is dealing with a silent battle. Be kind because you never know how much kindness could touch someone that is struggling.
Sarah | 52 | Wilton, CT | @sarahbphilippon | beautycounter.com/sarahphilippon
1. In the Fall of 2017, my husband lost his job, and lost his brother suddenly. My husband Dan has a way of compartmentalizing things so he was “dealing” with these losses in his own way.
Me – on the other hand, started feeling all sorts of anxiety. What were we going to tell our girls ages 11 and 8 at the time? We needed to sell our house to make it easier to move when Dan got his new job (which could take us anywhere in the US). It was a lot to deal with – the UNKNOWN…..the UNCERTAINTY….
Christmas Day 2017, I was rushing around trying to find a gift for my daughter that didn’t make it under the tree. All of a sudden I became a bit light headed, shortness of breath. I felt “REALLY STRANGE.” I sat down and tried to get control of my breaths but I was super scared – I thought I was having a heart attack. Something wasn’t right. I told my husband to call 911 and the paramedics came. They took all my vitals (didn’t tell me that my BP was through the roof so not to upset me further)…they suggested I go to to the hospital to get “checked out.” I’ll never forget being loaded into the ambulance and looking back at my 2 girls in the doorway fearing I might not see them again – I was pretty scared.
A massive thank you to these incredible, brave women who shared their stories. It’s not always easy to do so, and I appreciate it so much, and I hope you all do, too. Thank you all for reading! Feel free to comment below or continue the conversation on Instagram @julielauren14.
All photos via Unsplash.