I’m just going to come out and say it: I don’t know if I want kids.
I briefly mentioned this in a post a while back when talking about ‘the norm,’ but I wanted to dive in a little deeper. I think it’s top of mind because literally everyone around me is talking babies, getting pregnant, or having babies. Now, don’t get me wrong – I love babies and kids…absolutely LOVE. Being an aunt is truly my favorite thing. However, I just don’t know if I want kids of my own. I simply don’t know.
I feel like ever since I turned 30 (a little over a year ago) it’s become quite the popular question from family and friends. So, Julie, when do you think you’ll have kids? Is this the year? I do think this is the most commonly asked question I get. I’m not mad. In fact, it doesn’t bother me or annoy me at all. I understand why the question is asked. I understand why people want to know. I get it. I’m 31, been married almost 3 years, and ‘the next step’ is, well, to have kids.
But maybe that’s not the next step for me.
Do I know why I’m not sure if I want kids? Nope.
Part of me feels so young still, and not ready to be a mother. Part of me is really fucking scared of pregnancy and labor. Part of me isn’t ready for life to change THAT much just yet. Part of me thinks it’s because there’s so much I still want to do and accomplish and that’s my focus right now. Of course, you can still do and accomplish anything you want with kids in tow, but maybe I’m just a little selfish still. Maybe I’m just not ready. For whatever the reasons might be, kids aren’t on the brain right now.
It’s not that I’m not supportive of those who want kids or have kids. I am truly SO excited when a friend tells me they are pregnant. I’m thrilled to celebrate my friends at their baby showers and their kids’ birthday parties. I love hanging out with my friends’ littles. I love shopping for the little ones, too (I mean, baby clothes!!).
And on the darker flip side, I feel so much empathy and compassion for those who have trouble getting pregnant. I really do. I can only imagine what it’s like to go through something like that, and part of me feels awful for even writing this post. However, I have always been an open book, and this is just part of my story.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that you should never do something if you don’t want to do it. You should never do something solely because you feel that’s what you should do. You should never make a decision based on what others want you to do; you need to want it, too. If your heart isn’t in something (especially something as big as having kids), then maybe it’s just not in the cards for you at this time. And you know what? That’s ok. That’s perfectly ok.
Maybe one day I’ll want kids more than anything. Maybe one day I’ll have kids. Or maybe one day I won’t. Only time will tell. And until then, I’ll just continue spoiling my nephews and niece (Hi Blake, Jace, Evan, and Lexi!).
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