Flying: My Own Worst Enemy
Snakes? No big deal. Public speaking? The more people in front of me the better. Opening up to cyberspace on my fear of flying? Even that I’ll do.
Here goes nothing.
I know everyone has fears. That’s normal. I even know that many people out there have a fear of flying, and I’m guessing there are even some who dislike it as much as me.
It’s funny because growing up my mom would always tell me to never say the word ‘hate.’ I could say the word ‘despise’ if I really felt the need, but never ‘hate.’
Until now.
I HATE flying. I hate it so much that I’ve missed out on family occasions because of it. I hate it so much that I’ve missed out on many weekends with some of my best friends because of it. I hate it so much that I’d rather drive 26 hours to NY than get on a plane. It’s truly debilitating.
It’s gotten so bad that I’ll get all the way to the airport, and won’t get on the plane. Not too long ago I was supposed to go to NY with my mom, and we got to the airport, I had a meltdown, and I ended up not going. Even more recently, I was supposed to go back to NY for my brother’s 30th birthday, and I got to the airport, had a breakdown, and I didn’t go.
Do you know how terrible I felt after that? Do you know the gut-wrenching feeling that overcame my body at those moments? The thought of letting down people, and especially ones I love so much and mean the world to me, was absolutely horrible.
What’s interesting is that I used to fly all the time. I’ve flown alone for as long as I can remember, I’ve flown back and forth, cross country multiple times, overseas, and I even had to do long distance with my current boyfriend for almost a year.
About 4 years ago, I went through a terrible, tumultuous breakup, and that breakup was the catalyst for me having anxiety. Ever since then I started to dislike flying. I would still do it, but I didn’t like it; it definitely wasn’t the first thing I’d choose to order on the menu. However, within this last year my dislike of flying has turned into a hatred of flying and really having a true fear.
I’ve taken a ‘fear of flying’ course, including a flight simulation, and that didn’t help…at all. I actually feel like I’ve gotten worse because I’m more aware of how a plane operates.
I’m now so accustomed to booking flights and then canceling them that everyone (including myself) just assumes that’s going to happen each time I’m supposed to go on a trip.
I felt so embarrassed and even ashamed for such a long time that I would tell people I didn’t feel good when I had to cancel trips. After realizing that they may understand and I’m really just insulting their intelligence by not telling them the truth, I owned up to it. I opened up and let my friends (and some family members that weren’t aware) know about my fear. The second I did that, not only did I feel better, but I also I felt I was about to be on the road to nipping this fear in the bud.
My friends and family couldn’t have been more understanding (and I even learned some people close to me have fears I was never aware of). I am lucky. I am so extremely lucky to have such loving and caring people in my life. My boyfriend has made it his first priority to getting this issue resolved for me. It feels good to know all these incredible people surround me.
While I am still a very fearful flyer and I HATE flying with all my heart, I’m confident in saying that, soon enough, I will be ready for the (extremely hard) task of conquering this fear.
I hope my story has inspired some of you fearful flyers out there to open up to your family and friends, and go and get the help you need and deserve so you can live your life to the absolute fullest.
I can’t wait to one day not think twice about flying, so I can one day travel places I’ve never been, and enjoy every aspect of this crazy ride we call life.
Image Source: Style Me Pretty and Camille Styles
Great thoughts and beautiful desk!!! I love flying since I was a child but I understand perfectly how you feel after a hard breakup, the same thing happened to me!! xoxo
Aw, I think it happens to most!! xo, Julie
You’re not alone! While I’ve only been on a plane once (poor chick over here- haha!), I have many friends who can’t fly or have to be heavily medicated to do so (which I don’t totally agree with). I think the fact that you can admit it is brave, and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed AT ALL!
Thanks, Rachel! Totally agree! xo, Julie
I don’t blame you–flying can be scary! It’s not a personal fear of mine (although sometimes I have to distract myself during takeoff), but one of my closest friends is very terrified. You’re definitely not alone in your fear, and I know you can work through it!
Thanks, Alyssa!! xo
I feel that way about blogger meet ups. I throw up before and after. I’m so shy and awkward! I canceled for years but now I’m better at going.
Aww, I totally hear ya! xo, Julie
Everyone has fears and it’s great that you have such a supportive family. I have a friend who hated flying too, she actually took a class at our local college for people who had anxiety of flying and it really helped her! xx Kat
Love and Ace
Aw, yeah, it’s pretty common!! Glad it helped your friend! xo, Julie
Oh, I’m so sorry. Hopefully you will conquer your fear somehow. Wish I had some expert advice, but I just don’t.
xoAmy
http://www.dreamingincashmere.com
Thanks, Amy! xo, Julie
Aaawww, I hope you conquer the fear and able to see the world. Hugs & Kisses
Thanks so much!! So annoying bc I’ve flown SO much, but it just started recently this crazy fear! xo, Julie
Aw everyone has fears so don’t be embarrassed! I hope you are able to conquer this!
xo, Yi-chia
Always Maylee
Thanks, Yi-chia! xo, Julie
I used to have the biggest fear of flying! I hadn’t been on a plane in over 10 years and I finally had no choice but the get on one for my bother-in-law’s wedding in Mexico. My poor husband (boyfriend at the time, who loves flying and planes) had to attempt to keep my calm as I practically hyperventilated during take off. The entire flight (which was a brutally long 6.5 hours) I thought the plane was going to crash. I sat at attention the entire flight and every little sound made me jump! Looking back, I’m truly shocked I actually made it there. I remember pleating with my mom as we were leaving the house, asking if there was anyway I could get out of going. With every flight I’ve taken since then (which was 2.5 years ago) I’ve become more and more confident! I’m so happy my fear has decreased because I love Hawaii so much I don’t think I could stand the thought of not ever going back! I have confidence that with time and lots of support you’ll overcome your fear Julie!
xo jen
Oh, wow! So you totally get it! It’s so annoying because I used to fly ALL the time. Such a new fear and it’s the worst! So glad you were able to get to your brother-in-law’s wedding. I’m sure the flights were totally worth it for that event! It just takes time, like you said, and flying over and over to get the fear shaken out of you. Glad you can fly much better now! xo, Julie
I hate flying swell. I drive everywhere and all of our vacations are cruises because of this! But I have to say I’m pretty anxiety ridden in general, and 9/11 only made it worse. My crazy fear is severe thunderstorms or the mention of a tornado….its ruined countless plans and I have a meltdown every time, but I too am working on facing this fear.
Good Luck!
xo
LesliMarie
http://www.linenandtulle.com
Awww, totally understand and hear ya! Everyone has fears, and we’ll all work through them! xo, Julie
Talking about a fear is so important to get over the problem. Good for you tht your open and honest. This too, shall pass. Just keep working on it and stay positive and don’t let your negative thoughts overpower what is real especially when it ones to flying. Love you lots, Fredda.
Thank you, Fredda!!! xoxoxoxo
It’s amazing to have such a support system!
Xo, Megan, http://www.TfDiaries.com
Agreed! Thank you! xo, Julie