Like Mother Like Daughter…or Somewhere in Between : on the idea of not having kids

Editor’s (lengthy) note: Happy Tuesday, guys! Been a little while here on the little ol’ blog, huh? In the meantime, you might have seen one of my latest articles for HuffPost, titled “Everyone Around Me is Talking Baby Bottles and Wipes, and I’m Over Here Asking for More Wine.” If you haven’t seen it, you can read it here.

I first want to say thank you so much for all the incredible feedback. I thought I would get a little backlash on it, but, in fact, I’ve never gotten such a positive response to any article I’ve ever written. So, thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. I’m so thrilled it resonated with so many of you. 

Well, one person it didn’t resonate so much with is my mom. She is the most supportive mother out there, and she will support any decision I make (even if it’s not the decision she would have necessarily made), but that doesn’t mean it didn’t upset her a little bit to read the article.

Of course, I’ve expressed to her how I’m not sure if kids are for me, and she’s read my other blog posts on the topic, but I think now that more and more of her friends’ kids are having babies (literally every day someone else is announcing their pregnancy…which is SO very exciting), I think it’s maybe a little hard on her. 

SO, with all this being said, she decided to write a little something for the blog today. In a way, I think it was cathartic for her. It’s her response to my article. Spoiler alert : it might make you tear up. It sure did for me. Have a good week, guys! xo Julie

As Julie and I have been contemplating our next post, I decided to write something on my own, without her even knowing.

As all her followers know, Julie and her husband are not sure if they want to have children. You can only imagine how a mom would feel when she hears something like that. For my husband (Julie’s dad) and I, it has taken a lot of strength and acceptance to know that this might be their wish. 

Mothers of daughters know that there isn’t a stronger relationship than that between a mother and daughter. Julie and I have had the best relationship for as long as I can remember. We are very lucky, and I have never taken that bond for granted. 

Although we often laugh about the one major disagreement we had when she was in high school. I made an executive/mom decision to not allow her to go to a concert in a blinding snowstorm. I vividly remember her slamming her bedroom door, swearing at me(and you know much I love swearing), and telling me how much she hated me. Obviously her words and actions meant nothing, and this event passed quickly. It was one of those mother/daughter moments you never forget.

Julie experienced such a happy and positive childhood. You would think that she would look forward to becoming a mom one day. I even saved her list of names that she wanted to call her children, thinking it would be fun to see if she ended up using any of them one day. 

For me, having a baby is part of life. It is the normal thing to do after you are married for awhile. After your child gets married you just assume it is going to happen within a few years. 

The funny thing is that Julie loves children. She couldn’t love her niece or nephews any more than she does. She is a wonderful aunt and spends as much time as she can with them. Her husband loves children just as much. They are both naturals. 

But for some reason they are unsure about taking the parenthood step. They are both 31 and married just over three years. They are considered young in certain parts of the country, where it is common to start a family later. In other parts of the country it is normal and almost expected to have a couple kids by now. 

For my husband and I, we just assumed it was a matter of time for Julie to start a family. Why wouldn’t we since we rarely hear of couples not having children. Although I have come to realize it is a new world out there. Recently I read several articles about the millennial generation, and how many couples are opting not to having children. (Of course I did not share these articles with Julie). For me, from the baby boomer generation, it was unimaginable not to have children. But this is not about me. It is now my daughter’s turn to make her life choices. 

I can give my opinion about what I feel they will be missing, the joy that children will bring, and the loneliness of growing old without children. However, the ultimate decision to have children is between husband and wife. It is not about what the parents, grandparents or other family members want. It is a big decision and probably the most important one they will make in their lifetime. 

As hard as it is for me to accept what might be, I honestly will support what they decide to do. Although I can’t help but think what an incredible joy it would be to be the grandmother of my daughter’s child.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the two loves of my life, my precious grandsons. Thank you to our son and daughter-in-law for giving me the two greatest gifts, and for making me a grandmother. As all you grandparents know, there isn’t a greater joy. 

Julie and her husband will decide one day if they will or if they won’t. I will truly be fine with whatever they decide to do. One thing I do know for sure, I will always love my daughter with all my heart, with or without children. That’s what moms do…they love their children unconditionally.